I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
