He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
