God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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