That's intense
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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