Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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