i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
