i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
