That's intense
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
