I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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