dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
