her vagine was all disorganized.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
