i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
