I want to stick my p in your. b.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
