tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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