Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
