He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I came so hard my ears popped.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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