I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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