Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
