I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He has the fingertips of a God
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
