Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
