12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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