she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
