WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize