Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
