I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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