I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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