I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
