legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
