I love black thongs
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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