"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
