tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
