The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
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Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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