You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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