he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
