i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
