He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
