Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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