so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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