I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
