i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
