The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
