Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
