I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
