in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
