hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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