My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
