I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
