Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
