When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
