Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
