possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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