i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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