I never want to see another naked old woman again.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
