watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
