The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
