Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
