This dress was meant to end up on your floor
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
