he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
