i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
