Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
