there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
