We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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