grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
