i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
