Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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