then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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