Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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