I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
